On Bended Knee

Hospitals have never made me feel real great, unless I knew I was going to meet a new baby which then of course I was all about going.  It had been awhile since Isaac's last hospital stay.... actually a year to be exact.  With his upcoming surgery in October I have been trying to suppress the fact that in a month or so we will be back in the hospital for a huge surgery with a long and difficult recovery for my baby.  I was just trying to enjoy our summer and soak in all the goodness of having all 4 of us together at the same time.

There was something about this hospital stay that was needed.  I didn't want to be there.  It was hard to arrange babysitting for Gabe and difficult to be away from him all day while I tended to Isaac.  It was difficult to be away from Isaac at night while I got some rest and at least put Gabe to bed.   But, we did it.  We made it work and our kids didn't suffer from spending extra time with Grandma, Grandpa, Aunts and cousins.  Isaac managed with his night nurses and at the end of the day, time flew by and we were once again united as 4.  We were ok then and we will be ok when we visit the hospital again.  We will renew ourselves by surrounding ourselves with our family, old caretakers, new caretakers.  Gabe will have so much fun with Grandparents and cousins that he doesn't get to see often and their relationships will grow.  My heart will be heavy from being away from him throughout the day, but I know that he will benefit so much from spending quality time with other people that love him too.  My heart wishes I could trade places with Isaac and bear the pain he will endure, but I will once again be amazed at his strong will and drive and I will be renewed to toughen up myself.

Sometimes when times are good, I don't talk to my Lord.  Life is great and I forget.  But when times are hard, I beg, I pray and I ask.  One afternoon while Isaac was sleeping, Dan and I took a little walk around the hospital.  We wandered in the chapel.  It was very simple.  It had symbols from many different religions.  Shamefully, I didn't know what all the symbols were but there was a great sense of peace in that little chapel.  I liked seeing the different symbols and thinking about how it didn't matter what religion or belief that people came in there believing in.  It was safe ground for peace and comfort.  As I sat down I didn't feel the need to pray.  I knew my baby had a little virus, but he was going to be ok today, but what about other babies?  I was overcome with a deep sense of despair.  How many parents, grandparents, friends and family and walked into that chapel, dropped to bended knee in complete desperation and begged to their God for their child to be saved? How many of those prayers were answered with miracles?  How many angels were sent home with their God?

Our little hospital stay reminded me that this journey is not a sprint, but a marathon.  I am going to enjoy our September together.  I am going to prepare for Isaac's hospital stay so that it can be as comfortable for him as possible.  I am going to know that each day is a gift no matter how easy or hard it might be.  I am going to remember to get down on bended knee and be thankful and wishful and share my thoughts with my God.  He knows just what I need.